It's gotta have passion.

How do you learn about writing? Passion. Passion of your soul and words to say what pisses you off, what made you speechless, what was beautiful about your journey. If you're not passionate, you can't write.

And that's what I came here to say. I haven't written this blog because I wasn't passionate about the assignment. Since Thursday, I've been stewing over the idea of dropping this class to hell and below, but now that I have a moment, here I am. I've been staring at the Schedule page on the wordpress blog for a while now but every time I sit down, I find myself wondering off with my camera or receiving a call from the journalistic world putting me out on an assignment. Fuck excuses any way.

What the hell did these broadcasts all have in common? Soothing NPR voices. Damn those voices remind me of my grandfather listening to his classical favorites, or the summer days I'd spend in North Carolina with my uncle cleaning his entire house for a Benjamin. It took time, but I suppose it was worth it. Yeah, nice NPR voices... Also, I suppose you could say they collectively contained some sense of what that individual's belief on life was about. It made me realize that we all have our own way of saying, "This is life as I see it. Let me try and personify that for you, or bring it home with an example." I thought all of them we're overly sappy and grasping at straws except for the god one. Of course, I agreed with the man completely because I'm passionate about a world without gods, so that's probably why it's the only one sticking in my mind right now. I know there was one about pizza (which only did enough good to remind me what I can't have) and there was another about baseball. I fucking hate people who are overly passionate about sports. Get over it, it's a game, remember? You're not helping by screaming at them, or wearing a mock-up of their jersey. Let 'em lose. Christ. I picked two with topics I was passionate about: Books and dogs. Holy shit, there's nothing better in life than books and dogs. Maybe sex. Maybe. Books about sex? Nah, they just say the same things over and over again. Oh, also music. Music wins all. Music can be about books, dogs, and sex. I digress.

I picked books and dogs. Okay. The dogs one almost brought me to tears because I miss having dogs so bad. I had 10 at one point. A poodle, a beagle, an Australian Cattle Dog and her 7 puppies. That was the life. I was rolling in puppies. Maybe I just really liked those puppies. Dogs are, by far, the best animal to evolve yet. They come to you, they're funny, they want to make you happy, and above all, they don't care who you are - the just want to be your best friend and maybe eat away at that tennis ball in the meantime. Dogs, man. My boyfriend gets mad because the majority of my dreams contain dogs in some form.
Then there's the books. My favorite band's name is The Books. They're like a book. They use sound clips behind their music to create the story. Even with that useless knowledge, books are great things. Currently, I'm reading three fiction books. The Complete Chronicles of Sherlock Holmes, Flowers for Algernon, and DragonLance. Without books.. I'd never have a way to leave this world. I want to throw all the nonfiction and textbooks I read against the wall. I can't stand that crap. If I'm about to read 500 - 1000 pages of you rattling shit off, it better be entirely made up and contain dragons or murder - preferably both.

Maybe I'm stubborn. I don't like being told what to do. I'll do the opposite. Sometimes I'm asked to clean the floor. Well fuck you - I'll clean the floor when I can't stand it anymore.
... I'm not sure that's on topic at all.. If I'm passionate about it, I'll do it.

Once again I don't understand the entire prompt of this blog. "The goal of this assignment is to identify what appeals to you about each option, what you think you might like to choose, and what you think you might like to say." No idea where the context of that is from. I think it's referring to the "digital tool" we'd like to research on and I already know I'm doing 8tracks.


Oh, and one last point - I have no idea how to use that DALN site. What the hell was that?

* * *

Upon further review of this blog post, I'd like to elaborate on something I've been thinking about.

I choose dogs and books and loved the broadcasts because I felt like I had something in common with the speakers, however, the fact that all of the "This I Believe" speeches are essentially about the same exact, "Here's-an-experience-of-mine-and-how-it's-manifested-into-a-minute-principle-I-think-should-govern-my-actions" guidelines, I find the broadcasts very.... unimpressive. A couple here when someone has a really interesting perspective or outlook should probably make the program, however, when I looked at the URLs of the broadcasts I picked, they're already on 68,000+ of these things. Penn did, what, number 34? Slow it down, NPR. 

Which leads me into another problem. There are so many of these where's the passion anymore? Where's the passion to find that one unique outlook and broadcast it for the world? Are these 68,000+ broadcasts even differing really in subject matter anymore? TV shows don't usually last more than 200 - 250 shows, how can we have 68,000 people all telling us something different about life? I'm sure 35% state something about how we should all just slow down and 25% tell us about how kids can teach us something, while another 15% or so discuss educations benefits or a revelation someone had one day. Then the remaining 25% are probably unique enough to stand out. And then how far is someone really going to take this random advice given by random people. I mostly listened and said, "that's nice, cool bro," and moved on. How many people are doing the same? To really have that passionate impact, I think an amount of carefully selecting what you want to say, selecting the cream-of-the-crop, the Grade A plays a part. I wouldn't take the first 25 pictures of my 1000+ frames and say, "Here's my finished work, sir." I go through and stare at each individual image. I think over it's strong points, point out it's weak ones, debate over what I should and shouldn't include. I also don't say, "Here's 1000 pics, sir." How exasperated would you be trying to look at 1000 pictures while trying to understand the story? NPR's got a good idea with these broadcasts but there are only a certain number of experiences that can happen to a person. You can understand a type of person by understanding what sort of experiences they've had. That's what makes that "type" of person. While sure, they'll vary in their minute details, overall their grand picture of life is the same. Where else would we get political parties, civil rights movements, or romantic novelists?

This update brought to you by a Journalism major/Sociology minor. 

(broadcasts I chose: http://thisibelieve.org/essay/10598/  http://thisibelieve.org/essay/68795/ )

Mom and Pop Shop For Your Pop(ular Culture)

            “Hey, can I throw something atcha?” A broad man to my left asks as he turns from the X-Box and games he’s trying to sell to the woman on the other side of the counter and faces a wary-looking me, “I mean figuratively, of course.”

I understood his insinuation, “Right. Shoot, man.”

“This place? There’s another place right around the corner that does the exact same thing. They’re corporately owned, this is privately owned. We get to see these guys every day. I come in here fairly often. Usually I come in in the evenings and it’s the same people. So, as I deal with this guy and say I sell all this stuff today – tomorrow I’ll come back to buy something else. We deal with the same guy and he’ll give us a break. He’ll give us just a little better price because he knows us. I like this place for that reason. Especially this guy,” he points across the counter to the store manager, Andy O’Connell. “This place” is the CD/Game Exchange on Short Vine in Clifton, Cincinnati and the previous discourse by my X-Box selling friend is a wonderful testimonial embodying the essence of this great store just a block off campus. 

CD/Game Exchange started back in the 1970s when two brothers began a store with only their own little record collection. It flourished into five stores but eventually the owner cut it down to the two most successful stores – one in Norwood, and this one in Clifton. Today they buy more movies than CDs or games, and try to sell things cheaper than retail but just enough to make a profit. Unlike corporate stores who only buy recent technology and games, CD/Game Exchange will buy old Super Nintendos, first generation DS’s, and CDs from 20 years ago. Andy sold an Atari the other day. Unfortunately the vinyl record shelves are dwindling and with the lack of sales, once those are gone, that’ll be it for the giant 5 song CDs.

Upon first entering the store, music is playing from an unknown somewhere, and posters hang down loose from every inch of the ceiling. The walls are lined entirely with glass cases filled with movies, CDs, and games in alphabetical order. Behind the counter are console controllers from all eras, and there’s even a section for new releases. According to Andy, they will order new music, movie, and game releases every so often to bring in a little more money. “Our busiest day of the year is when the new Madden comes out. I sell out of Adele’s CD almost every week.” The smaller spaces where the walls aren’t being used for shelves are encrusted with stickers, posters and the occasional concert ticket. The pictures overlap covering bits of each other leaving some images to the imagination. 

Andy O’Connell has worked at CD/Game Exchange for eleven years. He’s 28 years old seems to have no plans of abandoning the store. It’s a part of him. He knows his customers and they know Andy. During our conversation, he spots a man coming into the store with a bag in his hand. Before the guy’s even halfway in the door, Andy leans over to his associate, Lisa, and whispers, “The guy’s back with the X-Box and games.” Andy even knew what games the guy had before looking through the pile. The way he was attuned to this customer before he was even a foot inside really brings to life the wonderful local attitude of knowing your customers and knowing their needs that larger businesses fail to do. “I know a lot of people’s first names,” he tells me later, “we got that kind of mom and pop sort of feel.”

If you’re in the market to sell answering machines, shoes, or food, however, don’t stop at the CD/Game Exchange. Andy tells me he had to turn people away for trying to sell these sorts of items. The infamous Beatles’ album with the butcher cover came through once, but his manager bought it right up. Having first pick of the new items like that is something Andy and Lisa both love about the store. The relaxed hours fit their lifestyles and listening to good music all day is certainly a plus. “I’ve played guitar since I was a little kid,” Andy mentions when I asked about his personal passion for music. 

I stood at the counter watching Lisa process many transactions. One girl stops in to quickly sell Disney’s “Robin Hood,” and a couple other guys are selling games. A sandy-haired, lanky guy with glasses came in asking if Andy knew another customer who apparently patrons the place regularly. Without fail, Andy knew and even could attest that that particular customer is off in Chicago right now. Lisa took on her job here because she needed a second income, but now loves the place despite the “job” stipulation. And how could she not? CD/Game Exchange is a great place to find some of the best prices on the world’s most favorite forms of entertainment and even get a touch of friendly familiarity while you’re at it.

There's Got To Be Something Besides Facebook.

Alright internet. You're an ever expanding mass of technological innovation and yet, what the hell do people do all day? Get on fucking facebook. I frequent Reddit with a passion because I've started into this downward spiral with FaceBook. Seriously, I don't give a crap about what your new bike looks like, what you and your boyfriend are doing, how much you don't want to be talked to right now, how great you and so-and-so are getting along, what music you're listening to, movie you're watching, or food item you're eating. Enough is ENOUGH. Does no one get tired of removing the mystery from life? What fun is it to know what everyone is doing all the time? Where will the conversation go when you actually hang out? Oh, what am I saying? You won't hang out because your fucking internet relationship is better than a PHYSICAL one. Fuck, man.

I'll admit, Reddit is pretty dumb, too. Amidst maybe 4 actual current news stories, you have 25 cats, 7 macro pictures, songs from 6 years ago that people still fucking like, and gobs of memes. I sit there and scroll through it and giggle to myself at the humor of it all, and then I retract. Holy shit, I seriously just laughed at a cat popping out of a box? Are you fucking kidding me? THAT'S what I think is funny?! And I close the window.

People just veg in front of FaceBook or Google for hours and then look around and exclaim, "Omg, I just procrastinated, better write that paper." Ten minutes later, they're back on FaceBook. No, I'm not trying to be high and mighty about it all - I've been there! That's why it really bothers me. How the hell did I do that with my life? How the hell did I just let myself sit there and muse, "haha, look at that dumb meme" or "wow, Jenny has a new kitchen." HOW?!

It's these reasons why I don't see a problem with video games. With a video game - no matter how idiotic you may think the plot (or lack thereof) may be -  at least the person is actively giving their mind to something rather than scrolling up and down on their news-feed wondering why there's nothing new for them to not give a shit about. That's another issue. As much as you'll read the post about Jenny's new kitchen, do you give it more than 12 seconds pondering? No. You do not. You glance, like, move on. Fuck you. Go SEE that kitchen for chrissake. Be IN it. There's nothing more real than the real and Facebook removes us from the real.

Yeah, sure, okay, it keeps us in touch with each other, but how much harder is it to pick up your phone and text someone, "Dude, do you have a boyfriend now?" or "Hey man, how's your life going." Doing it over the internet just isn't the same, because if you said all that, two clicks later you could figure out how everything is.

It's the mystification of life that is lost. No one cares. And that is sad. Put down your facebooks and your reddits, your youtubes, and googles. Walk outside with a book. Sit down and play Kingdoms of Amalur or COD against friends. Activate your minds. Stop being Facebook zombies. You know you are. Fucking do something about it. End the cycle.

Shit.

perpetual inebriation.

Not sure what I came here for. I just sorta pulled this up and figured I'd type out some words.

Now I can't even keep my attention to this page.

Drinking at 11am. Not sure I've ever done this, but I'm just sitting around drinking. I don't really care anymore... It's all shit anyway. All of this is shit. All of school, all of money, all of driving, all of life. All those pictures I take. All these words I write. What's it matter? Everything is subjective. I don't have to care about any of it but yet I'm forced to. I'd be content if I could just go to my home, pick up my old hourly job and get a position at Mountain Xpress. That's all I want to do. I don't want this structured school bullshit, this stupid rent and bills idiocy. I want me, my car, a companion to love, and a dog. It's amazing we can't do that. Drink up, Marisa.

I've been listening to music recently. Some really good music. Muse, Cage the Elephant .. just discovered this one called Sleep Party People. Just the one song "I'm not even human" or something.... "I'm not human at all." There it is.

Is it weird that I don't want to do this? No one gives a shit about blogs. Blogs are for people who don't have anything better to do with their time and think people care about their latest baking excursion. Fuck off.

Things are irritating. Very irritating. I keep hating things more and more as each day progresses. It doesn't cease. I've found nothing I like to do anymore. School takes away my News Record life, work takes away my school life.. My social life consists of my roommate and quickly fading relationship with a guy 350 miles away. (I'm sure members of my family will be happy to hear that.)

But who gives a shit about anyone's personal life? Who gives a shit at all? Apparently you're as good as forgotten after a month's absence. You don't matter when you're not there. Although you try your hardest to get back as often as the job permits, it doesn't matter in a month. The only thing that matters is if you're spending your dad's money because you're too big of a shit-for-brains to do anything for yourself.

The leash gets tighter and my throat closes more every day. I'm just trying to shove past it, but it's like one of those dreams where your eyes keep closing as you're trying to figure out your surroundings. You can't keep your eyes open for more than 5 seconds before they begin to shut again. It's like a start and stop REM cycle that wants to dream but doesn't have the fuel to keep going. You want it so bad, but can't have any of it. You see glimpses of it on occasion, but as for actually keeping the scenery around long enough to figure things out is fleeting. Occasionally you'll fall into a very decent REM cycle and it feels so great, but eventually you have to wake up and realize your in the poop and rain state holding an aluminum bottle filled with rum in public. You start to awaken to how much you really just don't give a shit.

Is it too much to ask to be set loose? I know what I want. I know where it is, how to deal with it, how to embrace every fiber of it, but, please, keep me behind the border's bars. I love staring out into a world right within my grasp and not being able to experience it. I love the clench of finances. The grip of a palm around my throat, setting me down, and telling me to "stay."



Expectation leads to disappointment. I wonder why I haven't learned that yet..

Not sure how much longer I want to continue with this existence. Signed a lease on a house today... pathetic.

Might as well experience life at the same level it's already making me feel. It's only fair.